So many complications!

Mike broke up with Beth. Now how am I supposed to not like him? Gah! Stupid de-.... yeah that. Why did he have to go and do it?! I mean, Beth was the whole reason why I could convince myself that it wasn't going to happen. But you know what, I have a "feeling" that it will. I don't want to, you know, go out with him or anything. Well, I do, but I'm afraid that the secrets will come out more and people would start to look at me funny. Especially at lunch. I sit with a bunch of people and talking about what we talk about in front of them wouldn't be wise. People already think I'm weird for talking to him at all. But he's not so bad if they knew why he acted out the way that he does. He does a lot more stuff than Cathrine does. Well, that I know of at least. But, I don't know. It's all kind of weird right now. All the irritating dreams that seem to be coming up more than before. More and more out-of-the-ordinary urges that come. I don't know what's going to happen when I get to 14, but I know it's going to be big. And Mike's going to be around. Maybe even have something to do with it. If I can only figure out what's going to happen, maybe it'll be easier t deal with. But at 11:45 on April 4th, I ave a feeling it's just all going to come at once. And then maybe other things will come as the time passes. I need to find out what's going on. But I haven't the faintest idea how to start.